What Matters Most

The last several months have pushed our patience, mental strength, and emotions. I have had many Zoom meetings with people that are struggling, that are gloomy, that are even depressed with the climate in the U.S. As a pastor, I sometimes feel like I have to give the “it’s all in God’s hand” answers. There is absolute truth in that answer, but it doesn’t always work if we are mentally or emotionally exhausted.

January 31, 2021 marks the 35th anniversary of the murder of my good friend, Bob O’Day. As I have been reflecting on the anniversary of Bob’s death this year, I’ve been thinking about the ugliness we have seen in our country. I watched good friends disagree on politics, religion, or health, mostly debating on social media platforms. Some of the online debates were civil, a lot were not. I wonder how many relationships are hurting or scarred. Even more sobering, how many relationships are broken and no longer exist because of these debates?

I’ve found that this annual post has helped me see how a tragedy can be redeemed by The Lord and how good can stem from it. I know it has also blessed others, those that knew Bob, those that maybe heard of him, or those that never met him.

I have been writing about this anniversary for about 7-8 years. Usually, when I write it, the words seemed to come so easily, and my thoughts always seemed so clear for the message I was wanting to deliver through it.

As I started getting ready to put my thoughts together and write this post, I had nothing! I assumed with all that was going on with our country, with the pandemic, the election disagreements, the social unrest, it should have been an easy one. But it isn’t. As a matter of fact, this was the toughest one I have written. How do I honor Bob? Should I just not post this year? Have I overdone this issue?

Then I started thinking about the movie “Castaway.” This movie captures the importance of relationships and how we desperately need community, we need people.

If you don’t know the movie, I’ll summarize as quickly as possible.

Tom Hanks plays a FedEx executive that has to travel overseas. While over the Atlantic Ocean, the plane he is in goes down into the ocean. Tom’s character is able to get into a life raft and float to a remote, deserted island where he spends four years. While on the island, some of the cargo from the plane washes ashore, one item being a volleyball which Tom’s character names “Wilson.” He befriends the volleyball and even has two-way conversations with it. Hanks is able to leave the island via a raft he builds and takes Wilson with him. One of the most touching scenes in the movie is during this voyage, Wilson’s tie down loosens, he falls off the raft, and Wilson floats out to sea, causing Hanks to mourn, weeping “ugly” as his only community is now gone.

We need people.

Zoom, face time, and other virtual platforms have been helpful, but nothing takes the place of real, true, physical, authentic relationships with each other.

Some of our relationships have been taking a bruising lately. We can’t meet face to face like we want, we have to mask up, making it almost impossible to engage in new relationships with people we meet, we can’t sit around a dinner table with neighbors, our students can’t go to school physically and play in the playground, or even play sports the way they are supposed to be played – It’s Hard!

As this pandemic drags on, please reach out to your family and friends. Send texts, send e-mails, send snail mail, don’t stop reaching out. Many times, if someone isn’t reaching out to us consistently, we do the same to them. Reach out to someone if you miss talking to them, even if it’s “their turn” to reach out. Even more, reach out to those old friends you have disagreed with on social media, especially those you may not be too happy with at the moment!

One thing I appreciate in the model Jesus gave us is that he would sit at the dinner table with anyone. He sat with sinners, social outcasts, those that disagreed with him, and the sick. He challenged people, totally out of love for them, which makes a huge difference. Jesus cared about relationships.

How does a friendship that I had for only 3 years, over 35 years ago still affect me today?

The relationship is worth more than the differences of opinion, choose the relationship, not winning the debate.

Relationships are what matter most.